Think like a lawyer…but not for too long or your brain might hurt
Two axioms I hear all the time about the law and lawyers:
1. Law school doesn’t teach the law, it teaches you how to think like a lawyer.
2. Lawyers are [insert deragatory term here].
I find truth in both of these statements but for different reasons. Law school really does teach a person to think like a lawyer…but how? And sometimes lawyers do get a bad rap, primarily because we are known to give the classic post-modern lawyer answer: “it depends.” So let’s explore this.
I love the horse races. There are no better gambling pursuits than horses and craps. There just aren’t. So of course I was excited to head out to Arlington Park this past weekend to watch the ponies run. As I was taking a look at the Arlington Park website to see what is and what is not allowed in the track, I came across this statement:
Prohibited Items Include:
-Glass Containers
-Alcohol
-Commercially packaged foods
-Liquids and non-alcoholic beverages will be allowed only in their original sealed container
I brought this to the attention of my wife and as we discussed these rules…primarliy the one disallowing commercially packaged foods…it became clear that we had completely different views on what this meant. And herein lies a perfect example to show how lawyers think.
Start with a Rule
Usually, lawyers start any analysis with a rule. A client has a problem and needs to know what to do…we need a rule to guide us. So, the problem here is I want to bring some food and drink into the racetrack, but the rules are that (1) I’m not allowed to bring in anything commercially packaged; (2) I must bring in beverages in their original packaging; and (3) no glass.
Continue with additional interpretation
The rule itself doesn’t clear up the entire issue for a few reasons. First, I’m not exactly sure what “commercially packaged” means in this context. Second, the beverage rule seems to be an exception to the rule against bringing anything into the track that is commercially packaged. If these rules were laws (as in, enacted by the legislature), there would be countless other resources I could look to that would aid my interpretation of the rule.
There would no doubt be cases upon cases where judges define the term “commercially packaged” and “beverage” and then apply those definitions to cases before them. Even these cases wouldn’t say the same thing, though. They may all use the same definitions of key terms, but many would come out in opposite places in their application of the rules to the facts at hand.
There would also likely be administrative regulations providing further guidance on these rules, written by the government agency tasked with enforcing the laws. In this case, the Department of Home-Brought Food and Beverage might make some rules also defining the terms and providing some examples for everyone to peruse.
Finally, there would be treatises and other analyses written by attorneys who practice in the home-brought food and beverage area. These resources would describe the key cases at issue and how the courts apply previous case law, regulations and their own judicial preferences in ruling on similar cases.
End by testing the rule in real life
In the end, somebody has to be the guinea pig and show up to the track with questionable materials to see how far the rule extends. Three examples:
(1) I show up with a container of hummus that I bought at the store. Seemingly, this is “commercially packaged” BUT I rip all of the labels off of the container so it now resembles a tupperware container. Is this allowed? The letter of the law says no…the hummus was commercially packaged (in that, it came straight from a manufacturer) and it’s not allowed. But does that make sense? What if I had a tupperware container that was the exact same as the container that the hummus originally came from? It would be okay if I transfer the contents of the hummus to the new container, but it is not okay if I leave it in an identical container?
(2) I show up with a glass jar of salsa. The catch here is that I enjoy the salsa as a tasty beverage (it’s the thin kind). I run afoul of the “no commercially packaged” food rule AND the rule against glass containers. However, since it’s a non-alcoholic beverage I’m required to bring my salsa into the track in its original, sealed container. Is this a rule that cannot be complied with in this case? Which rule wins? Does salsa qualify as a beverage solely because I drink it?
(3) I bring into the track 50 pizzas on dollies. The pizzas are from Dominos. The pizzas are not commercially packaged since they’re cooked and packaged at a retail location…but this obviously violates the spirit of the rules allowing food and drink. Right?
Clearly, thinking like a lawyer makes the brain hurt and/or ooze from one’s ears. But these are the types of issues lawyers are faced with everyday…makes the “it depends” answer more reasonable…I hope.
Madison, Wisconsin: Cultural Mecca for Chicagoans
Here is installment #2 of posts having nothing to do with tax, business law or any other such tomfoolery.
There used to be a sign on I-94 in Illinois, just south of the Wisconsin Border that read: “Just across the border: Food, Drinks, Beer, Cheese, Fireworks.” Doesn’t that say it all? A place where food and cheese and drinks and beer are considered mutually exclusive concepts is a place for me…and you too.
My wife and I make an annual pilgrimage up to Madison, Wisconsin every summer for two things: (1) the best Farmer’s Market in the world in Madison; and (2) high end outdoor theater, Wisconsin farm country style.
The Farmer’s Market in Madison (technically the “Dane County Farmer’s Market on the Square”) is, as I stated, the best in the world. It makes Green City in Chicago’s Lincoln Park look like a convenience store. Why is it so great? First, it’s huge. Vendors line all the way around the capital square in Madison. Second, given its size, the vendors are diverse and have great quality stuff…cheese (of course), cheese related products, meat, vegetables, baked goods, etc. Third, the crazies come out…and I do mean crazy. Given how reserved our friends north of Waukegan usually are, it’s amazing to take in extremely leftist impromptu poetry slams and the like for a few minutes while strolling the square.
As for “can’t miss” product around the market…try: spicy cheese bread, homemade beef jerky, dill cheese curds, and fresh pasta and pesto…and don’t forget to stop by the husband and wife duo making fresh kettle corn, literally from a kettle that probably dates back to the Civil War.
After the Farmer’s Market, I highly recommend walking around Madison itself. It’s a great town full of the life of UW. Then, it’s off to Middleton, a fair sized town just west of Madison which has felt the positive effects of a building boom. If you take Route 12/14 from Madison to Middleton (aka “The Beltway”) and get off at University Avenue, you’ll find all the comforts of generic suburbia, with plenty of name-brand hotels, shopping and restaurants. This is a good base of operations for the second leg of the trip…a night of outdoor theatre.
Theater? Theatre? I’m not really sure which word is correct in this instance…but I’m talking about the American Players Theatre in Spring Green, Wisconsin…a 30 minute drive from Middleton along a very rural stretch of Route 14. The basics: an outdoor theater tucked into the side of a hill where a company of actors and actresses puts on very respectable Shakespearean plays and English Comedies (not The Office or Coupling…think more like George Bernard Shaw) throughout the Wisconsin Summer.
On your way back to Chicago, hit up the Cracker Barrel in Janesville just for fun.
Oh…and just in case you’re feeling really adventurous, skip staying in the comfort of corporate-invaded Middleton, and opt for the hominess of summer-only motels in and around Spring Green. These places do their business in the summer during play season catering to the tourists and are about as mom and pop as it gets. Clean and safe…but not updated since the 1970s…worth a shot for sure.
Chicago Law Blogger’s Random Post: All you (probably) need to know about Riesling
Every now and again even I have to stop writing about law and business and throw something a little more interesting against the wall. So here goes…
Riesling is a great wine. I say this in the sense that it both tastes good and, for me, is associated with many great memories with great friends.
I first learned to appreciate Riesling at a wine tasting. I was 18 and on a cruise with some friends. I never drank wine before (unless you count sneaking sips of box wine at family parties). Given my inexperience with wine, the tasting was torture….it probably didn’t help that we tasted 9 or 10 very different wines in the space of an hour (and I didn’t realize I could just spit out or not drink the wines I didn’t like).
Then came the Riesling. Oh the Riesling. It tasted like adult grape juice. So sweet, so tasty. From then on I was sold. I think over the course of the rest of the trip my friends and I drank all the Riesling they had on the boat. I think we may have been brushing our teeth with it for a time. In any event, I was sold.
So over the course of the last 10 years, I’ve learned enough about Riesling to (a) know what I’m doing when I order or buy it; and (b) fake my way through a conversation about it. So here’s some info, study hard:
1. Riesling is a German wine. It is also made in Australia, California, Timbucktoo and other areas of the world But trust me, Riesling is a German wine.
2. German Riesling is grown/made in a bunch of different growing regions in Germany, with most growing regions centered around the Rhine River. I have no idea how the different growing regions affect the taste of the wine. But people will be impressed if you know about the different Riesling growing regions (you also might find these names on the bottle)…here are a few buzzwords: Hessische Bergstrasse; Mittelrhein; Mosel-Saar-Ruwer (remember this one).
3. Here’s the most important thing: Riesling wine comes in various varieties, each of which may be dry, sweet, or really sweet. Most people know Riesling as a sweet wine, and I’d say even a “dry” Riesling is sweeter than what one thinks of as a “dry” wine…but some Rieslings can be on the more dry side and you have to watch out or you’ll be surprised.
4. Look out for these buzzwords associated with Riesling’s sweetness: (a) kabinett = least sweet/dry; (b) spatlese = a fair amount of sweetness; (c) auslese = really sweet; and (d) beerenauslese = really, really, really sweet (think dessert wine). If you really want to impress people, remember that the sweetness of the Riesling is directly related to the time of harvest. Generally speaking, the later the harvest, the sweeter the wine. I don’t know why…it’s chemistry.
5. Finally, Riesling is a great wine for wine virgins or people who just love the taste of wine coolers. The sweet stuff goes down easy and is pretty inexpensive. I also recommend Moscato for this purpose.
Here’s a great blog post written about Riesling.
Genesis Post
Ahhh…first post. What to write about? How about I write about the stuff I’m going to write about? Okay.
This blog is all about seeing the whole picture, just as I do in practice. My clients can’t waste precious time and money on a team of 20 attorneys who cumulatively bill $5000 per hour while they’re grabbing coffee and scones. Nope…my clients need competent, seasoned attorneys who can see the whole field, not only advising them about the implications of taking on outside capital, but how the transaction will affect their estate plan and tax position.
Okay…enough self-promotion. I’m going to write about a little bit of everything. Estate planning, taxes, probate, employment agreements, buying a business, selling a business, starting a business, trademarks, copyrights, sports law, doing deals, real estate, motorsports, and everything in between.
So stay tuned, buckle up and let’s do this new media Web 2.0 personal branding stuff together.
